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A Glimpse Into The Convoluted Workings Of Pan's Head

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He hatched!

My little dragon egg finally hatched! :dragonhappy: He's a Lizardus, which I already knew, but now I get to know he is actually a he, and also I gave him the Air aura and called him Oscar.




He's so CUTE! Click him now! He's lonely.


Is there anyone out there? cause it's gettin' harder and harder to breathe.


I don't know how many of you read this thing, but, this entry's gonna be a little different from the randomness that I usually reserve ED for. I wanted to keep my troubles and such from here, and let this be a place for happy, whimsical things, but I feel I need to say this stuff and I can't on my other blog because the people involved definitely check it and will see it at some point.


I'm stressing out, so, if you read this, I'd love any help you can give. The thing that gives me trouble is the two most important people in my life; my best friend and my boyfriend. My best friend is my other half and my brain-to-brain sister. My boyfriend is my heart and I love him more than anything - it took ten years for us to get together.


Now, you might think that everything sounds perfect. It's not. My boyfriend is insecure, and, because of lighthearted comments I make revolving around Stuart Townsend (if you don't know him, look him up, he's in Queen Of The Damned and League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen) and other things he thinks that a) I don't want him and b) that I'm sick of him but am too nice to drop him. I haven't a clue what I should do about this. I can't talk to him about it. I can't talk seriously about anything to people I know. I have to make the situation humorous in some way. I love him more than anything else in the world, but no matter how many times I tell him that, and no matter how often I remind him that no, everybody doesn't hate him, and that he's awesome, he won't believe me. He thinks he's not good enough.


My best friend...well, it's not so bad as with my boyfriend. But she arrived at school this morning in tears and wouldn't tell me why. She seems ok but when I read my blog it told me that she's feeling really depressed and struggling with stuff. And her confidante? She can't survive without him. Him, not her. Simon, not me. I don't know what to do.


And then there's the other thing. The guilt. I get upset at all of this and then when I think about how bad my life seems, that little voice starts muttering:


"What are you complaining for, you b****? You don't have it bad. You aren't allowed to be depressed; you need to think of your friends?"


I get pissed off and angry too. I was hysterical a while ago, and the strength it took not to drive the shards of pen I was breaking into my arm was almost unbearable. I can't deal with this. The few times I have cut - and I have, once, twice, maybe three times. I told my boyfriend about one of the times - that voice comes back:


"What the hell are you cutting for? You fucking emo poser, stop being such an attention seeker. People have it worse than you, and they don't cut. Those that do have it really bad - think of that girl whose blog you read. Your life aint so tough, so stop acting like it is."


And then, when I think of myself as an attention seeker, it makes me feel even more of one. I feel like I'm a poser, like I don't fit with anything and the person I try to be isn't real. I'm a fake copy of myself.


I keep almost-crying. It won't come properly.


That's all. I feel a little better, knowing that someone might read this and give me some advice.






Go Go Pande-ranger!

Hallo! I do believe this is my first post of the new year. Even though it is the Februarys.


Guess what England did today?


GOT SNOWED ON!!!!eleven1!!!


It snowed yesterday as well, so I've had two extra days off of school. FOUR DAY WEEKEND, WOOT!


Anyways, I like to look at snow. Touch it? Not so much. Cold, wet and slippy. Not a good combo for cold-hating-clumsy-balance-challenged Pan. But there ya go.


Do you remember those story summaries I blogged? And the test-run excerpt for Away With The Fae? Well, I've got 7000 words on AWTF now. Wth. I blame Write Or Die Okay, so I wrote a thousand or so words of my own accord as well, but still. DAMN YOU WRITING TOOL TYPE THINGS!!!


I want november again, I really want to do another NaNo. It was so much fun. Stressful, wrist-injuring, eye-straining and brain melting, but fun all the same. I've never unleashed that amount of raw creativity on Microsoft Word before. It was insane.


But, I'm still editing Mirror Mirror. I love the characters so much. I'm reading through and making notes first. Then I'm passing it over to my proof readers (AKA Megan and Simon) for testing. Then I'll probably read through it again with a red pen and write on the manuscript. Or something.


I have outline part of the plot properly now, which is good. And now there are pirates in chapter eight. There weren't any pirates in it before, let alone in chapter eight. But now there are pirates. And they are in chapter eight. So ya...there ya go. There is a new character, but I can't be bothered to keep him long, so I think I will have him killed by the pirates. What say you? New charrie killed by pirates, yay or nay?






You will nevar guess what the Pan has gotten now.


Aside from many many awesomeful Xmas gifts.


The Pan....






a brand new shiny shiny midnight blue




Of her very own.


-huggles Eliza-


Yes, her name is Eliza. Like the FMC in Once Bitten. She cost me four HUNDERED English pounds. Which I have to pay back to the-father-of-the-Pan. She is very pretty and is made by Dell.


I has spent ALL DAY today installing things: Microsoft Office, Paintshop, Photoshop (CS3, awesome Xmas present number something) NewNovelist, Zen things etc etc. I maybe might install Sims on here. Or even -gasp- Silverfall. The 10g memory devouring RPG game of doom and awesomeness.


I christened Eliza last night by watching Queen of the Damned (another amazing Xmas present) Stewart Townsend is god. Seriously. I luffles him and his big brown eyes and his being mostly nekkid for most of the film-ness.


Ayus. The Pan is off and away to blog on her other blog now, and to show Eliza all the wonder of the internet.


I bid you au revoir




I want to try and write a scene for Away With The Fae. Hopefully by posting it on here I can guage reactions and see whether it should be considered to entry in the first draft or not. This part is when Jessica is in the Fae dimensions with Sanvier, and meets the Seelie prince for the first time. LOVE TRIANGLE, anyone?




When she opened her eyes, Jess was somewhere entirely different. Sanvier had taken her to the Faerie world, just as she had asked. She realised that she was still clinging to him, and hurridly unclenched her fingers from his shirt. The landscape around was blocked out by a thick, damp mist that had a strange purple tint to it. Jess shivered.

"Sanvier? What's an Unseelie brat like you doing here?"

A voice she didn't know spoke from the mist that surrounded them. She squinted, and as she looked a figure came closer and closer until she could make out features. He was a tall man - taller than Sanvier, at least - with shoulder length, wavy blonde hair and piercing green eyes that bored into her own. He stood with a self-assured manner, as though he was master of all he surveyed.

"I am merely passing through, your highness," Sanvier said smoothly. The other man snorted.

"If you say so. And who is the girl, might I ask?"

"She is a friend, and under my protection," Sanvier sounded protective. Jess swallowed quickly to wet her dry throat and spoke for herself.

"I'm Jess," she said. She did not give her full first name - she knew enough about the Fae to know that names were power in their world. The man looked at her. His almond shaped eyes were perfect in their symmetry, and fell at equidistant points on either side of his long, straight nose. His mouth quirked up at one corner.

"What a strange name," he mused, "My own is Eshwinel. Prince Eshwinel."

Jess inclined her head towards him politely. Partly out of actual respect and partly because the green eyes that lay like emeralds in his face were having the same effect on her as Sanviers living coals.

"Your highness."

Eshwinel turned back to Sanvier.

"If you're going to the Unseelie court then I suggest you go now. My guard are not far behind me and they greatly dislike you and yours."

Sanvier sneered.

"As if I care for their likes and dislikes. I shall take my leave of you anyway; my Queen will be expecting me."

It was the Seelie prince's turn to sneer.

"You're fooling yourself. The Unseelie Queen cares little for you. She is hardly aware of your existence, no doubt."

"Once again, Eshwinel, you show your ignorance in the affairs of the Unseelie court. My Queen cares enough for me to make me Prince in Waiting."

Eshwinels jaw dropped.

"You don't mean to say..." Sanvier smirked broadly at the shocked expression on the other Fae's face.

"I do. If anything should happen to our beloved Prince Nehani, I am next in line for the throne."

"Get out of the Between now before I call my guards and have you arrested," Eshwinel snapped. The news Sanvier had given him had obviously pissed him off a fair bit. Sanvier gave a mocking bow and took Jessica's hand in his own.

"Come, princess. Let me show you the realm of the Unseelie." He snapped his fingers and they were gone.




Any views on that? Love triangle between Sanvier - Jess - Eshwinel ? I like the idea of making her choose. I wonder who she'll pick, in the end? The Unseelie Fae who has been with her her entire life - and messed it up and mucked her around for fifteen years as well (including making her mother forget that Jess was her daughter)? Or will she pick the Seelie prince with the impeccable manners who has done her no wrong. Yet.


Go Pan!


Mymymy, is it blogging time again?


The Pan is all exicted today. Now. This moment.


Know why?


Cause it's CHRISTMAS EVE! NOW! And it's 22:05. Yay England.



The Pan has written her NaNoNovel. It is 50,000+ and needs mega editing. Some of it is even on the forums -GASP-


The Pan also has many new story ideas floating around her brainbox. She wants to write urban fantasy. And comedic fantasy. And stories about the Fae.


New story titles&summaries:


Faerie Dust: When you're the only girl in town who can see and communicate with the magical beings there, you're in for a lot of work. My name's Mackay, and I am that girl.


Away With The Fae: Jessica has family issues. Her mother won't let her draw because her father - who left her pregnant at the altar - was an artist. Jess can sort of deal with this. But Jess also has a life-long friend/stalker called Sanvier who just so happens to be a Fae. From the Unseelie court. Can you sense the disaster waiting to happen?


Once Bitten: Welcome to the future. A bleak place where all of life is controlled by a sentient supercomputer called The Machine. The only ones who dare to be themselves and do what they want are the ones who aren't exactly human. Eliza Fearless is one of those; a forever-fifteen vampire, she has more in store for her than she originally thought.


Any of those sound intriguing to you?




That is what we did in Science today. Mine and Megan (Angel-of-the-underworld)s was totally pwnage, but we came joint third thanks to class voting. Even though ours was called Paul and had condensation inside it and all that jazz. We wanted to fill it with red - orange - yellow tissue paper, to show the heat progression, but alas, the lesson was science, not art.


Art was amazing - I have acquired fancy schmancy new art equipment, so I will be creating like a mad creating thing for the next week - which we have off from school, cause it's half term.


Hallowe'en is coming up, and I am phsyced out of my tiny little draconic brain about it. I think I'm going to Angel's (MEGAN. Get used to me switching between names) house for her uber awesome party, but I need to confirm it and stuff.


I WAS going to be a Scary Fairy, but I was far too lazy to make wings. Though I may be able to persuade the parentals to get me skeleton wings to wear.


Oh, eyeliner pencil, how I love you and your decorating ways.


Oh, brother of mine, how I love you for getting the mother to buy a special FX kit for face painting and gory wounds and suchlike.




It goes like this (to the tune of Deck The Halls)


'Tis the season to scare mortals



Jump out at them from round corners



Demons, goblins

Ghouls and ghosties




'Tis the season to scare mortals




Happy Week-Before-Hallowe'en.


The very thought is inconceivable.


I was watching Princess Bride the other day.


I may have to steal the MP4s from YouTube, patch 'em together in WMM and put them on a memory card. Same with Labyrinth.


-whistles innocently-


Not that I'm developing an obsession or anything. And I SO TOTALLY didn't re-read 'My True Love Gave To Me' and 'My Fine Feathered Friend' in the Labyrinth FanFic archive yesterday.


No sirree.




Okay, maybe just a little.


BUT THEY WERE SO FUNNY! Quote 'I would be very suspicious of a carnal turnip' endQuote.




Laugh all you want, my draconic little friends. George the Genetapumpkin cannot feel mercy. Actually, he can't feel anything, being a pumpkin and all. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.


The point is...I have no point. And my MSN ate its own face, so I can't talk to Catty/Megan/Angel-Of-The-Underworld (as you know her)


Blog over,






lolI have a question for you: does anyone know what the 'Z' in ZOMG! actually stands for? Z= ? O=Oh M=My G=God



Zoom Oh My God?

Zoo Oh My God?


Or is it just to add FLASHBANGKERBOOMWOW to plain old overused OMG?


This post is making very little sense, am I right? I'm right, of course I am.


Now, should I start making sense? Yes, no, maybe, so....hop, choice, dolly...wait, that's not it. High, Low, Swing, Slow, Hop, Choice, Dolly Pepper.


Did anyone else play that skipping game or was it just us? Us being the people at my old school.


I think I'll stop talking now before this gets out of hand.


And nobody has entered the chat. Observe: (cont from last post-from-the-chat)


[luciferspet] 3:54 pm: hopefully someone will arrive whilst I am doing so

[luciferspet] 3:54 pm: plaz

[luciferspet] 3:55 pm: *plz

[luciferspet] 3:57 pm: ZOMG

[luciferspet] 3:57 pm: no-one arrived

[luciferspet] 3:58 pm: is it the fault of the TimeZone again?

[luciferspet] 3:59 pm: WHERE IS EVERYONE???

[luciferspet] 3:59 pm: I can't be random and insanely funny if no-one's HERE


[luciferspet] 3:59 pm: Well, it worked for the scroll bar

[luciferspet] 4:00 pm: OMG. The thing with the people-who-are-in-which-rooms list HAS SHRUNK. And I CAN'T FIX IT

[luciferspet] 4:00 pm: HALP

[luciferspet] 4:00 pm: HUZZAH

[luciferspet] 4:01 pm: it is fix-ed

[luciferspet] 4:01 pm: Pan Pan Pan Pan Pan Pan Pan Pan PANDEMONIUM IS HERE

[luciferspet] 4:01 pm: I need a better theme song

[luciferspet] 4:01 pm: one that is easier to type

[luciferspet] 4:02 pm: PanpanapanPNADEMONIUM (pppick up a penguin)

[luciferspet] 4:02 pm: LE GASP

[luciferspet] 4:02 pm: I spelt my name wrong

[luciferspet] 4:02 pm: PAN-DE-MON-I-UM

[luciferspet] 4:02 pm: that's better

[luciferspet] 4:02 pm: you know, this would be more fun with real people

[luciferspet] 4:02 pm: I have been talking to myself for 15 whole minutes

[luciferspet] 4:03 pm: ish. I can't do math

[luciferspet] 4:03 pm: in my head

[luciferspet] 4:03 pm: yet I am in set 1

[luciferspet] 4:03 pm: -epicphail-

[luciferspet] 4:03 pm: I am causing PANDEMONIUIM in the chat by filling the blue

[luciferspet] 4:03 pm: that sounded wrong

[luciferspet] 4:04 pm: SPLOOSH

[luciferspet] 4:04 pm: that was the sound of my brain hitting the gutter

[luciferspet] 4:04 pm: which also sounded wrong

[luciferspet] 4:04 pm: the sploosh, not the other sentence

[luciferspet] 4:04 pm: hahahah, the scroller is tiny

[luciferspet] 4:04 pm: I'm cold

[luciferspet] 4:05 pm: I have goosebumps on my arm

[luciferspet] 4:05 pm: and I am inside

[luciferspet] 4:05 pm: Can a chat be filled entirely with junk from one person?

[luciferspet] 4:05 pm: OMGZOMGWTFWTHFACEPALM that sounded so wrong!!!!!

[luciferspet] 4:05 pm: am I the last person left alive here?

[luciferspet] 4:06 pm: 3 minutes have passed without my noticing

[luciferspet] 4:06 pm: this is a bad thing

[luciferspet] 4:06 pm: I am only succeeding in mildly amusing myself


Pan needs a new hobby. Or a life. One or the other.



I went into the chat, looking for fun and conversation. It was empty. This is what happened: (and yes, my login name is very different to my display name. It's cause I would forget to log in with Pandemonium. And stuff. Enjoy the convolution of my brain)


[luciferspet] 3:47 pm: Welcome to Everything Dragon Chat!

[luciferspet] 3:47 pm: navar fear, Pandemonium is HEEERREEEEE

[luciferspet] 3:48 pm: Oh, -looks around- no-one's here.....my dramatic entrance was all for nothing, then

[luciferspet] 3:48 pm: Right, I shall STAY here until someone arrives.

[luciferspet] 3:48 pm: -superglues self to the floor-

[luciferspet] 3:48 pm: ah, that was a dumb idea wasn't it, Self?

[luciferspet] 3:48 pm: Yes, yes it was, My

[luciferspet] 3:49 pm: Well then Self, what the Fang are going to do about it?

[luciferspet] 3:49 pm: I have no idea, My. Sit here until someone arrives to help?

[luciferspet] 3:49 pm: s'the only thing we CAN do

[luciferspet] 3:49 pm: I R PAN! I R SCAREH!

[luciferspet] 3:49 pm: I R....alone

[luciferspet] 3:49 pm: still

[luciferspet] 3:50 pm: I SHALL FILL UP THE BLUE

[luciferspet] 3:50 pm: This may take some time

[luciferspet] 3:50 pm: and a large amount of spam

[luciferspet] 3:50 pm: and jam

[luciferspet] 3:50 pm: and ham

[luciferspet] 3:50 pm: and....and....MEN

[luciferspet] 3:50 pm: wth, Self, that made no sense

[luciferspet] 3:50 pm: I've been taking lessons from Chibi-Jareth-In-Your-Head

[luciferspet] 3:51 pm: Oh, goody. -betchslaps My upside the head-

[luciferspet] 3:51 pm: Wait a minute....I'm having a conversation....with my self.....this makes no sense

[luciferspet] 3:51 pm: Not many things make sense when you try and fill up the blue in a chatroom by yourself

[luciferspet] 3:51 pm: Where is everyone?

[luciferspet] 3:52 pm: snape....snape....severus snape....DUMBLEDORE

[luciferspet] 3:52 pm: heeeeemione

[luciferspet] 3:52 pm: Gah, I spelt it wrong

[luciferspet] 3:52 pm: Heeeeeeerrrrrrmione

[luciferspet] 3:52 pm: that was better

[luciferspet] 3:52 pm: I want a scroll bar to appear

[luciferspet] 3:52 pm: I am wasting my own time

[luciferspet] 3:52 pm: and procrastinating on my writings

[luciferspet] 3:53 pm: I would rave to Paramore but then I would be shipped off to the Happy Hotel

[luciferspet] 3:53 pm: again

[luciferspet] 3:53 pm: OMG! Digimon theme playing on my RealPlayer

[luciferspet] 3:53 pm: This is awesome

[luciferspet] 3:53 pm: I has almost filled the blue

[luciferspet] 3:53 pm: I wants a scroll bar

[luciferspet] 3:54 pm: BAR OF SCROLL APEARRUS SPELL

[luciferspet] 3:54 pm: HUZZAH

[luciferspet] 3:54 pm: Success!

[luciferspet] 3:54 pm: I shall post this conversation on the blog of Pan



PANDEMONIUM SAYS: Grow a brain cell, MySelf. -bitchslaps herself- Today has been incredible. Thank you, and goodnight.



Yas. From now on I won't fill up my About Me section with quotes, like I wind up doing on EVERY site I go to. I shall BLOG them instead. What fun it shall be.

All quotes are by me, unless stated otherwise. The majority will be from conversation IRL and on MSN with my friends.


Let the quoting begin!


...I'm not reading Labyrinth fanfiction....again.


Jareth is going NOWHERE NEAR the Mutual Hot List


I can haz chzburger nao?


I don't wanna be mature!


Imma go eat now


I am dying of death!


Megan! You're alive! -hughughughug-


I DO NOT NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT -bitchslap- thatwasthedumbestthingieversaidwasntit?


Two passive people trying to make a decision is such fun!


I just looked at Stuart Townsends Lestat-Face and it made my insides go OMGWTFSHMEXYKTHNXLETSMELTNAO


Edward IS real!


Lestat IS real!


Fang IS real!




I really wanna yell something innappropriate right now...like...boobs.


You just got player owned!






I'm so awesome


I...liiiike big BUTTS and I CANNOT LIE!


If Edward ever looked into our heads he'd be all 'Bella, we have to leave England, like, now. That girl over there is saying "Jareth you're a FUCKTARD" to a chibi David Bowie in her head'


Jareth, you're a FUCKTARD


Yes, in my misspent youth...I wrote Harry Potter fanfiction


I am still misspending my youth!


I have a LAZAR


Everyone asks me why I hate Sean. Do I need a reason?








There we go. If there are more, I will add a post with them. Enjoy the lulz of my wonderful quotages.





Hah, didya get that? Labyrinth of my mind, and my name's Pandemonium, or PAN. Pans Labyrinth? Like the film? Okay, enough bad jokes. Actually, there will probably be MORE bad jokes later on, but still.


So, my name's Pan and I'm an little odd.


I think I shall take the stuff from the About Me place on my profile and put it on here.


I read a lot - I almost have enough books to hold up my bed! At last check I had over 200. I still don't own every book I want to though - my wish list is tres long. I like to read manga as well, my favefaveFAVEs being Digimon, Paradise Kiss and Dragon Knights.


I write a lot too, fiction and fanfiction (mainly for Maximum Ride); http://fanfiction.net/~luciannademonica and I don't remember what my FictionPress one was, soooo. I write many genres - fantasy, sci-fi, poetry, horror, comedy, I'm even trying my hand at romance!


I also draw all the time, and my room is wallpapered with my glorious-ish artwork. A lot of my work can be found at http://luciferspet.deviantart.com and I made a short art showcase video on youtube; http://www.youtube.com/user/Luciferspet23


I lovelovelove fantasy, and common daydreams involve turning into a dragon or a demon or a mage and pwning teh biotches in my classes .


I j'adore music as well - my Zen has loads on it, ranging from KoRn to Within Temptation to Fall Out Boy to MCR to Steps to Evanescence to The Feeling. Yeah, my tastes are varied! I'm probably one of the very few people in the world who will take OUT a KoRn CD and put IN a Steps one. Yesh I like them. So sue me!


I sometimes talk/type weird as well; I like to type in teh lolspk plz, and also my own....hahah, unique shall we say, way. cause I like to spell properly and use correct grammar, but sometimes it's more funneh not to.


Sa, yah. If you want to ask something about me, go ahead and ask! I don't usually bite




  • Twilight
  • Maximum Ride
  • Skulduggery Pleasant
  • Heroes
  • Merlin
  • Stuart Townsend
  • Fanfiction
  • Blogging
  • Lolcats


There we go, intro post. As you can see, I have a tendency to write a LOT more than is necessary. I could have just put; I like books, writing, art, music and TV shows. But nooooo, me being me, I have to go into detail.


You'll notice that about me as we go on. I'll make another, more interesting post after this one. This is just to test the software and give a little info about myself.



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