Ok so, the last time I was here was in 2010 on the first of February. Those who remember me from those times, tell me what the hell I was? I can't remember. Mustn't been great if I forgotten about it. What I am now? A job seeking fellow looking for a starter IT job in the city or my area. I was studying at TAFE (College) since 2011 and finished this year. Been searching for work since around the end of June to the beginning of July. I was learning IT Networking and accomplished an Diploma, if you are curious to what I was studying.
Since I can't really remember what I was like 2 years ago I will just evaluate myself here.
I believe that I am a dragon in soul/spirit. If not, hold a connection with one. If however the whole thing is false, it wouldn't really bother me now. I would hold onto the concept of my persona very personally and say to myself 'It was good times.' Well, I hope. Dragon form of which is a yellow gold dragon with white underbelly and brown mane/furry tail. I look at this dragon and think 'Wow. He looks WEIRD.' considering dragon's don't generally have fur. But who knows? Maybe some did? How the hell would I know? I am not living in the past!
On that note, since my first 'awakening' (what a stupid word) in 2006-2007, to around 2009-2010 I have been a quite unrealistic in how I carried myself out. I mean really, back then I tried my hardest to be a dragon, as a human. How sad. It disappoints me now that I did that, because I know very well that I am human and that if I am a dragon. WHO GIVES A S***. I don't see any reason to not be my boring, lame and sarcastic self. Hell, sarcasm is good fun, certainly breaks the ice in conversations. I gained my sense of reality and acceptance of WHO I AM from NezDragon and J'Karrah, a Christian and a Witch. For that I am in their debt, otherwise I would be still trying to act like a dragon or force myself to fit in. Which is a really sad concept to me.
Nowadays I am finding myself in their position. Newcomers at Dorg (to which us members call instead of Draconity.org) come in bursting with questions and really are over their heads. Two of which almost seemed to have lost their way when it comes to this belief. Being a 'dragonkin' has NOTHING to do with freaking roleplay. It has NOTHING to do by the way that you act around others. Because when you are a 14 year old kid, it is just freaking creepy. Good lord, glad those kids are heading in the right direction now. Because it is more important to find the self esteem inside yourself and accept of who you are rather than rely on a figment of your beliefs and what you make of it. Isn't that one of the main reasons people discover they are dragonkin? That they are SO unhappy about being who they are that they find a creature that really draws them in?
Not a positive stereotype (but it is a stereotype if majority of it is true and has/keep happening/ed), but dragonkins are as follows.
Low Self esteem/depression
Mental conditions (aspergers)
Wanting to be cool (fitting in)
Overly obsessed individual
I'll be honest here, 4 of those fitted me years ago. Now only 2 generally fits with me. I am a bit of a fat loner, which by no means are terrible things. None of those things are themselves terrible. It is how we come across, portray ourselves and feel about it. A fat loner kid suffering from depression and possibly other issues gets obsessed with dragons. Probability? High or related cases to that description to the whole Otherkin belief. I accept that I am overweight, don't really care about it but if I have to walk I will walk. Depression? Dear lord I was depressed a lot. Because of my low self esteem of not wanting to be who I am. Anxiety issues? I hated people. Still distrust and dislike many people. Use that as an excuse to be on the safe side by saying 'rawr i'ma dragon and I ****ing hate people!' is not ok. It is PITIFUL. Because it shows that the person in question has had bad experiences with family, friends or people in general. Or, completely of their loops of being a decent human being. Which would say 'I don't like you, so go away' to someone they don't like.
From what people that I know has told me, I went from
'Oh, well... I am sorry to hear that. I don't agree with you there but I see no reason to pursue you.' To,
'Oh wow you must feel terrible being in this bad position. Even when you did this and this. Of course you are the true and only victim.'
I have gained a good level of assertiveness now. I can't tolerate people like I use to though. If someone is saying something that isn't quite right, sounding stupid or anything that I need to tell them the blatant truth of the situation and give them the ol eye opener. I will. Not always a good thing, but tough love is better than pure white sugar coating.
These days I listen to more music longer than I use to. Mostly to do with the fact that the songs themselves are longer. I listen to Doom metal and Black metal, not pure black metal though. I enjoy the ambient and post-rock/metal integrations into the music (Though I do like some normal black metal). I still enjoy my ambient, trance and electronic songs from time to time. But I am more of a metalhead. A friend of mine has gotten me into a lot of space and other atmospheric themed music. I blame him for a lot of my music too.
Because I love music so much, I started to learn the piano in 2009, still going these days. Even when I haven't had a lesson since November 2010. I will share some of my music for you guys in a later blog.
My pardons for the long blog. I doubt any of you would read it (seeing as how active this place is, can never be too sure).