"You know I have found out a few things about you, Sam."
"You have a good sense of humour, always smiling but very cynical"
"Sounds pretty good to me."
"Yeah I think so."
A conversation I had with my driving instructor. Hearing that makes me feel pretty good considering how emotional I can be at times. I gained my sense of humour over the years due to comedy shows and logical/rational thinking. To the point my humour makes me cynical to a lot of things around me. I rarely take ads seriously (Thanks Gruen Transfer) and during movies I constantly comment on the scene, acting and plot devices like I was a movie critic (thanks MST3k). I am completely missing the whole point of watching these things and I kinda wish sometimes I would just take something for what it is and didn't form a cynical opinion of it. As for the smiling part, I generally smile when i drive. Because I'm either nervous, amused or stressed. I can't help to smile when driving with my driving instructor, it is also funny and flattering when I f*** up something, remain smiling but more or less calm.
"Have you gone to that job agency in Cleveland? Maybe they have some useful information for you."
*Face palms and breathes heavily*
"Honestly if you think that there was information down there for me to grab don't you think I could be trying to get back into their books? When I signed up I wasn't a high needs individual. I was the second lowest level because you and Dad are earning a lot. Including the fact we have a roof over our head and no mortgage I can't get anything from Centrelink therefore I don't need as much help from them (employment agency) to get a job. All they could ever do for me is set a time for me to come down and search/apply for jobs that I have probably already applied for at home."
"Oh fantastic. It is just like that other employment agency."
"Mm. Oh yeah."
A conversation I had with my mum a while back. During Christmas i was really lazy and it got on mum's nerves real bad (worried and stressed her out as well). We had 2 conversations and it was all sorted out. This one was some time after it and it was on much better terms. I am feeling for a completely new career. Or at least something else for me to learn or do. My Diploma has done me squat because the state government is a dick and got rid of so many IT jobs across QLD. Federal Gov has done alright to make new jobs, Opposition (who is in control of my State gov) just got rid a whole bunch. IT people sacked so what are they doing? Looking for work, naturally. Making it harder and impossible for a starter like me to get anywhere. F*ck you Campbell Newman. You may be doing some good but you aren't doing any good for me. Career expo is being run this weekend as my Mum pointed out. I am surprisingly looking forward to it. I want to do something productive, not sit around feeling depressed, hopeless and useless.
"You're very cynical, Sam."
"You just gotta give people the benefit of the doubt and not judge so quickly."
"I'm only human"
"Doesn't give you an excuse. I remember when you were so blissfully happy and innocent. Always jumping into everything. I miss that."
I judge people quickly because they (seem) are morons, need help or are wrong. Besides if I don't judge then someone will judge me first. I don't care if I am wrong. Sure I'd be a bit embarrassed and apologetic innerly but it makes me attach to people more. Oh and don't all Christians judge people? Durr hurr we proclaim that God is the only one allowed to judge us yet we do it hurr hurr we mustn't be Christians. Go to hell you f*cking haters. I don't give you the sh*ts about the hell you believe in. I'm human as the next bloke, princess, bimbo, goof, twat and prat out there. The last bit my Mum said effected me because I felt horrible. I ain't the little boy she knew and it made me wish I was for her. I like to be aware of my existence and understand sarcasm. It does make me wish there was this innocence that we all would have and would never leave. I remember a good friend of mine saying he wished he had it. The innocence to be just happy and not understand the bad things of life. I get that, but it wouldn't be the life for me.